Hipsters. I’m sure you’ve heard of ’em. 

They’re a group of youngish people who have gained a lot of notoriety lately for being… um….. well….

lame? … or weird? Dressing in frumpy clothes? Wearing Ray Bans?

I guess I’m really not quite sure WHY they’re gaining notoriety but they ARE and although there are many adjectives in MY mind that could be put next to the word “hipster”, the one I see most often connected to this bunch is the word IRONIC. 

THIS I don’t understand. I mean if there’s one word I know a lot about since becoming a parent, it’s IRONIC. 

They say hipsters have “ironic facial hair” — well unless it’s NOT on your FACE how the fuck is it ironic? 

They wear “ironic clothing” … well, unless it’s not covering their fucking body, I don’t see the irony in that either.

Seriously? What the fuck are you doing guy?

You say ironic, I sat idiotic…

Et tu Brute?!  Bitch pleeeeease.

It’s time to set the record straight.

When you gave birth, or welcomed a child in to your life in anyway, you also unwittingly welcomed two other things right along with them: IRONY, and her wretched big brother MURPHY’S LAW.

IT’S AN UNSPOKEN TRUTH OF PARENTHOOD WE ALL SHARE.

I’ll address Murphy’s Law another time 

(the two are quite similar anyway) but for now, let me tell you 

MY goddamn definition of IRONY.

IRONY is when your baby won’t take more than a 30 minute nap but the day you schedule a doctors appointment, the little turd takes a THREE FUCKING HOUR NAP which in turn makes you miss your appointment…. ironic.

IRONY is when you and your family are all dressed-up for a holiday outing to see extended family and your kid suddenly comes down with a stomach bug which compels him to PUKE all over his holiday outfit and YOURS TOO on the way OUT of the house….ironic.

IRONY is waiting for a month to arrange a babysitter so you and your man can finally get in a romantic dinner sans kid(s) and YOU suddenly come down with that SAME FUCKING STOMACH BUG….ironic.

IRONY is when you look away for one minute only to turn and see your toddler climbing down from the highest playground structure with her eyes closed completely UNSCATHED, but on the walk home (with you no more than a foot away of course) she falls flat on her face and needs 10 fucking STITCHES in her chin! ….. ironic.

I could go on and on, and I’m sure you could too, but my POINT is, use whatever fucking adjective you want to describe yourself hipsters, but leave IRONIC out of it because to me, 

your fucking mustache is just plain old LAME.

 

Goodnight.