This year’s gonna be different,
A revelation of sorts,
While the bitches are cooking,
And the dudes watching sports.
It’s all been worked out…I’ve planned what to say,
I’m switching it up, in a “Shit Got Real” way…
When the family is beckoned, to the table to sit,
And they all go around, getting sappy and shit:
“I’m thankful for love.”
“I’m thankful for friends.”
“I’m thankful for family, and the time that we spend.”
“I’m thankful for life, and all that it’s taught me.”
“I’m thankful for kids, and the joys they have brought me.”
“Isn’t life grand?”
“Isn’t life great?”
Well, it’d be better if we did this shit AFTER we ate…
But nonetheless, when they get up to me,
I’m sayin’ “I’m thankful for sex and money.”
“Yeah, my kids are great, and I’m happy for health,
but it would nary exist without fornication and wealth.”
I’m sure brows will knit,
I’m sure teeth will gnash,
But I’ll continue my speech about “Fucking and Cash.”
“Keep pouring it on, this mush by the bucket,
But we’d be dining on Ramen if it weren’t for ducketts.
And if Nana and Papa did not get it on,
You wouldn’t be here to sing holiday songs.”
It’s the basics that count, and for that shit I care,
Or else this table’d be empty, this table’d be bare!
When the Pilgrims jacked the Natives
For twenty-four bucks,
Did they “Give Thanks”?
Or did they give zero fucks?
Did Native Americans say, after peace pipe puffin’
“Yo, yo, it’s all good, let’s just have turkey and stuffin’!”
What’s the big picture? What is it worth?
Well, there ‘aint shit for free,
‘Aint no virginal births.
‘Ain’t no politicians singin’ Kum ba yah,
‘Ain’t no wish granted, cause you made it on a star.
‘Aint no handouts, no free boosts on the ladder,
Just holidays like this, making Hallmark cats fatter.
Frankly, all that shit doesn’t matter to me,
We should be all just grateful for cheese and nookie.
I’ll raise my glass, in the end and say “Word…
now close your mouths bitches, and cut up that bird.”