Happy Mother’s Day, Now Fuck Off.

Roses? Breakfast? I love Mother’s Day!

You guys are so sweet, now go the fuck away.
It’s MY day, you hear that? 
That’s right, ME not YOU,
And I got a whole list of ‘Fuck Off’s I’m ready to do:

Hey toilet with shit stains, and you, laundry too!
Read my lips bitches, it’s MY day — FUCK YOU.
To the layers of dust chillaxin’ on shelves,
Hooray! You can stay one more day..

Messes in dressers, clothes that need folding,
Smelly cat litter,  kids who need scolding,
Mother-In-Law, Husband,  and any others I scoff,
Listen very carefully, read my lips —  FUCK OFF.

I aint’ doin’ shit, not moving ONE inch.
So kids, bother your Father if you’re stuck in a pinch.
For 364 days, I put myself last,
So for the next 24 hours, you can all kiss my ass.

Hey dishes, and dirt, hey bread with mold,
Hey stains on kids shirts, and bed sheets to fold,
Hey garbage, hey floors, 
Hey grocery stores!
Hey toys, hey closets, 
Hey rust and lime deposits,
Hey phone calls, hey cooking, 
Yo, vacuum,  you too!
It’s Mother’s Day bitches, so guess what? 

Wanna make Mommy happy?
How about peace and quiet?
It’s not hard to FUCK OFF,
So ahead, try it!

Hubs, do me a favor, take these kids far from home,
The best gift you can give me is to leave me alone.

I’m taking this day, the whole damn thing.
You see, I paid in advance when I put on this ring.
When I pushed those kids right outta my twat. 
When I worked my hands to the bone for diddley-squat.
I don’t get no checks,  no paid vacations,
No Human Resources, no Customer Relations.
All I get paid, is this one lowly day,
So thanks again for the roses,
Now go the fuck away.

Happy Mother’s Day!
Fuck off.


7 thoughts on “Happy Mother’s Day, Now Fuck Off.

  1. I LOVE this…you nailed exactly what every Mommy is thinking and even included all the many thankless things we do every day yet never get thanked for…so Thank you…May you have a completely kid free, chore free day all to yourself 🙂

  2. fucking LOVE this. just wished i had read it today BEFORE i mowed the damn lawns and cleaned the kitchen, i may have felt more empowered to tell them all to FUCK OFF haha

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