The Quasi-Ellusive, Not-So-Mysterious…. SAHD

Ok, here’s the scenario


You’re in the playground with your mom friends.  The kids are running around, you and your girls are doing the literal coffee clutch thing, chip-chip-chipping away about some potty-training snafu, or the fight you got in to with your husband last night when you get that elbow jab in your arm. 
  
With hot coffee splashing over your fingers you’re about to give your friend the “What For?!” but before you can open your mouth, you notice her eyes have a widened, crazy kind of look and are set upon something apparently captivating over your shoulder.

Following her gaze, you turn your head and there it is.  

Walking in to the playground, almost as if in slow-motion, the ONE thing that could silence a gaggle of moms… 

The Stay-At-Home-Dad also commonly known as  “Hot Dad”.

Every community has at least one.   
He is almost always alone — I mean he’s with his kid(s) but never with another Hot Dad or even another mom.  

He has a nonchalant stride and seems completely unaware of the fact that he’s the only adult in the playground with a penis.


Well, HE may not notice but WE sure as hell do!  Don’t we ladies?  (and BTW he totally DOES notice).  

Now, now, now, before you become paralyzed with awe, as if you’ve just had lunch with Brad Pitt, let’s use our brains for a moment and dispel the myth.

The SAHD may be a RARE sighting but he is by no means a unicorn, leprechaun, jackalope, or any other mythical, magical creature.  I know this because I have infiltrated this world and befriended many a happy and hunky playground distraction. 
 
Let’s all do something we haven’t done in a while. 
Let’s all rewind our minds and try to remember our PRE-BABY, PRE-HUSBAND sensibilities.  

I know, I know, blow away those cobwebs and think of the person you were.   

Cute, perky, no bags under the eyes, nice figure, young.. the world was a clam shell, waiting for you to open it.  Got that image? Good.  

Now, think of how you thought of stuff during those care-free naive times.  

Now think of the guy you thought of at that time who was sooo absolutely, unbelievably HOT! 
 
Got THAT image?  
Good.  


I dunno bout you, but this is what I imagine… Patrick Wilson in the movie 
“Little Children” If you haven’t seen it..you must!  But this shit is straight up FANTASY bitches!!

Now look at that SAHD that just walked in to the playground.

Chances are he pales in comparison to that ideal of hotness that you just pictured your mind.  A bit older, a bit more tired looking, and probably lacking the washboard fantasy abs you were drooling over in your mind.


Not an ugly guy, but not “Spill my coffee all over my crotch HOT!!” either…


Let me throw a little analogy out at’cha.  

Imagine you’re starving, you haven’t eaten in three days and someone hands you a stale bagel.  
You’d never eat it on a regular day, but it’s looking pretty damn tasty right now, ain’t it??  

Now, chill out dads, I’m not calling you a stale bagel, 
(well not really), I’m just saying I’m not convinced that some of these HDs aren’t just being made in to demigods simply because us Moms are for the most part “man deprived”  during our daily routines.

“Oh, no,” you may be thinking, 
“It’s not that he’s hot or not hot, it’s that he’s just sooo good with the little ones!  Look at how well he changes that diaper!  Now THAT’S sexy!” and…
“See how he handled that tantrum??  My husband could NEVER do THAT!”  

Now is when I do the Cher Moonstruck thing where I slap you in the face and yell “Snap out of it!!”  

Yeah, he may be more sensitive to a baby’s needs then your husband may be. 
YEAH he’s a much more efficient diaperer then your man. 
YES he never forgets the sand toys where as your husband on the rare occasions he takes the kids to the playground forgets the whole damn diaper bag… 

…BUT it’s not because the SAHD was BORN this way.  

Like you, and your evolved baby care skill set, he too has an advanced skill set because like YOU, 
HE TOO does this shit every-fucking-day-a-million-times-a-day.  

See, no magic there, just a normal parent trying to survive like you and me.  No genie lamps, no wishes granted.

Oh, and one more thing, most of the time, the reason they are SAHD’s in the first place is because when a baby comes, if both parents are working, there’s a choice to be made.  
Who stays home and who stays working?
  
Usually the one who makes the most or has the best job benefits stays at work… leaving the other with the child care.  

I’m sure you all get what I’m saying here…. right??

I am not hating on SAHDs AT ALL.  

In fact, I give them Kudos for assuming a role that our very sexist society deems only for women.
  
But I don’t admire them anymore then I admire all of my SAHMs that trudge though the unending days and sleepless nights of parenthood.  

Men are not better because they take care of the kids, just like women aren’t better because they bring home the bacon.

So next time “Hot Dad” walks on the scene, do yourself a favor, don’t drop your coffees, instead, invite him in to the clutch.

He’ll probably be relieved.  

Being the only dude is intimidating and being the only man on the boat don’t make him some kind of Captain.  

He’s a lowly deck hand, just like us, swabbing the deck, walking the plank a million times a day for the real tyrannical pirates in all of our lives — our kids.

3 thoughts on “The Quasi-Ellusive, Not-So-Mysterious…. SAHD

  1. I’m definitely aware of being different. Like you say, I notice. I notice the “So is he hot or is he What-Happened-to-My-Life-Hot?” look. And I notice the “My husband would die before hugging his girl in public like that” look. It’s fun. I know hugging a child doesn’t make me special (or hot), but considering the fact that so many men think knowing the first thing about their children is a sign of weakness, I’m pretty happy with myself.I know I’m no Patrick Wilson, but I’m also not Kate Winslet’s undies-sniffing husband. The question many women in the park ask is close to the one you want them to ask, but with a small difference. See, they don’t think I’m hot because they forgot their pre-baby pre-husband sensibilities, but because at least subconsciously, they remember. They remember their expectations of their lives and of the way they imagined their future husbands to act with the children. The problem is not with me being unbearably hot, or with the park-moms being too easy on me–the problem is that they’re too easy on their husbands, and it’s only when they see me that they realize it.Also, I’m unbearably hot.

  2. Sure, Parts if this are very true. However I think for the most part I have either turned a blind eye to it, or just not wanted to think that it was happening at all. what we really want is just to be accepted and not shunned for being the “penis” parent who has pride in taking there little one to the park or play group.Yup, I may not have that wash board set of abs, but hell I never had it. If you think I am hot, that’s because you’re right, and me hanging out with my child just solidifies that :)Sure, I may be home, because my job was easier to give up than my wife’s, but it is in the best interest of our family.All and all, fantastic post…made me laugh my ass off, and rethink what some of the those “HMs” are really thinking when I join the party 😉

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