Polly Want a Cracker?

Hello girlies! And all you handsome devils too
Here’s a Final Thought for ya!

Deny it or not, we’ve all done it, and you know why? ‘Cause it FUCKING WORKS. 

Personally, I don’t like the term ‘bribery’, to me, that insinuates black mail or racketeering or some other mob related reference.. No, I like the term ‘reward system’

When you train a dog and you entice him with a treat as encouragement to do a trick, do we call it BRIBERY??? 

NO!!  We call it a REWARD. So why is it a “bribe” with our kids??

wait for it…… wait…..wait for it motherfucker…..

Let me expand: Whatever the ‘bribe’ may be, it is something we have figured out is our child’s “currency”

It could be candy, a TV show, a bubble bath even — whatever it is we choose to ENTICE our little ones with is their CURRENCY..

 (and I snatched this fucking term straight from Dr. Phil’s mustached mouth BTW in case you’re questioning my references) 

meaning, it’s their MONEY. Therefore, if a piece of candy to him is say, like a 5 spot to us, then why can’t we all agree that he is just being ‘hired out’ by us to do a simple job? 

I got a five on it you little turd, but you gotta play by MY rules mmmmk?

In fact, I’d go as far as saying, ‘bribery’ is, in essence an early form of ALLOWANCE… We are ‘paying’ them to do something that needs to be done, and since a toddler can’t wash the dishes, what ‘needs to be done’ that he actually CAN do is just not act like a turd.

Now what job could be easier then that?? 

And what ‘REWARD SYSTEM’ could be easier for a child to understand? 

Act like a turd, no 5 spot. Cut that shit out, 5 spot. 

And I’m not really convinced that if you ‘pay’ him to do what you need him to do, he will always act BAD UNLESS you pay him.

Eventually, he will grow out of his terrible twos, threes, and/or fours and his passion to embarrass you will fade

My 6 year old does shit just to hear the words “Good Job!!” 

(She’s not quite smart enough yet to ask for an allowance..) 

So I say, bribe them with bullshit now, before they grow pubes and their ‘currency’ actually IS MONEY, and instead of thanking you with cute little hugs and kisses, they just snatch it rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth that you’re trying desperately not to knock out of their obnoxious teenager heads.

OH. MILEY. GOD.    That looks like a face that needs some slappin’.

Well, I dunno know about YOU, but I have adequately justified that whole issue for MYSELF.
Good Night

1 thought on “Polly Want a Cracker?

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