We all ask for it, we all need it, but seriously, do we ever really take it? You know as well as I do, especially if you have more than one, that each child is completely unique like a little fingerprint (who also happens to leave fingerprints on everything but that’s another story).
So why do we think that asking another mother what to do in any given situation is going to work for US?
And how many times have you asked for advice only to shoot down every suggestion claiming:
“Nah, he/she would never do that” or
“I already tried that and it totally didn’t work..”
BUT WE’RE ALWAYS ASKING. Why do we do this?
Is it because this experience is so daunting, so unpredictable that we can’t bring ourselves to trust our own gut?
Is it that we secretly want to compare our parenting styles to the styles of our friends in order to gain some kind of reassurance that we’re not the only one struggling?
And moreover, why the FUCK do we ask OUR mothers??
Time and time again, I have asked her advice only to receive some completely outdated shit (yeah mom, probably not gonna give her brandy for the teething…) OR the oh so common mother answer:
“You think I can remember??”
I’ve found doctors to also be pretty useless .. unless your child is super sick, but for most common illnesses, I take their advice with a grain of salt too.
What I DO believe is that we use these ‘what should I do?!’ statements in order to belong. Asking for advice is really just a way of letting another mom know:
“Hey, I’m in this barrel of shit too and since these kids are completely consuming our lives, it’s nice to have a comrade in the trenches.. I may not believe that what you’re doing will work for ME but just knowing you’ve SHARED the same experience is enough.”
Why we just don’t SAY that, I have no fucking idea.
Now, I’m not saying that I haven’t read many a parenting magazine or googled various things like TODDLER+HOLDING+POOP or SLEEP+TRAINING (we all have our shit) but even in doing so I’ve been left more times then not dissatisfied with the results.
Now, with two kids under my belt (I’ll skip the ten million jokes I could make on that statement) I feel somewhat confident in my parenting — not claiming to be a war veteran over here — but I have found that in going through the whole ‘asking for advice’ thing there is one gem I can actually offer:
It’s a diamond in the rough really…
It’s sufficient for, I’d say 4-5 years old and younger, and I will offer it to all of you whether you’re asking or not.
Whatever living hell your kid is putting you through right now from eating strikes, to sudden and frequent night wakings, to stubborn potty trainers, to late walkers, to biters, to not-wanting-to-weaners (heheh I said wieners) NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
By the time you think you’ve got it figured out, they’re on to the next asshole thing that will drive you to the edge, and in a year from now, you’ll be laughing at the thought of yourself crying over some long gone bullshit.
Oh, and btw, that goes for anything GOOD they’re doing right now too
Soooooo, just survive, have a glass of wine, and think of the day that hopefully you can advise your OWN child on ridding THEIR child’s fever by simply dousing them in rubbing alcohol.
3 thoughts on “Sisters in the Trenches”
So true!! I keep telling myself this too shall pass!!
Loved it! So true! I know for me I like knowing I’m not the only one going through hell with the kids! I love how you put things, I feel the same! Yep nothing lasts forever!